Under the Table Page 18

  “I think I’m ready for you to drop me off,” Zoey stated with conviction.

  “Good,” Phyllis replied with a grin. “Because I was getting ready to kick you out. I like you and all, but it’s time to get back to your own way of life.”

  “Thanks for letting me ride along. I think I just needed the time to get my head on straight.”

  “Did it work?”

  “I think it did.”

  “Where do you think you’re going to land?”

  Zoey was able to answer without hesitation. “New York City. I’m not sure if it’s my final stop, but I have some apologies to make there. And a fight to have.”

  Chapter 22

  There was only one other time Zoey had forgotten to return a key. The night she met Tristan. There was no indecision about what she would do with the key she kept this time. After busing her way back to New York, she let herself in to lie in wait for Ruth. She weighed the possibility that tonight might turn out like that time in middle school when they both ended up with missing chunks of hair and temporary bald spots.

  The apartment already looked different to her since she had left it. It was tidy. No dishes in the sink, no random garments on the floor. There wasn’t a single piece of evidence that any partying had taken place.

  Zoey plugged in her phone and turned it on while she waited. The only calls she had received during her sabbatical were job opportunities with deadlines that had passed. Figures. There were no texts at all.

  Ruth came in, hours after she would’ve gotten off work. Blake was behind her.

  “Zoe.” Ruth showed little surprise at finding Zoey perched on the edge of her futon. “Where have you been?”

  “Worried about me, were you?” Zoey replied. “I’m sure Derek called you the minute after he shot-put my suitcase.”

  Blake interjected with a judicial “You ladies have a lot to talk about, so I’m going to cut out.” He gave Ruth a quick kiss. “Call me later.”

  “Derek did call and told me all about it. It gave me one more chance to call him a shit gibbon,” Ruth said as she closed the door behind Blake. Then she asked, “If you didn’t want to go with him, then why did you?”

  “Who are you to question me when you need to explain why you told Derek to hurry up and get here?”

  Ruth didn’t try to mount a defense. “To get you to make a damn decision.”

  “How can I make one of those if you’re busy sabotaging me? Your loyalty has always been with Derek! You’ve been meddling since the day I left him.”

  “Maybe it’s time you took your own inventory. Nothing reeks of meddling and misguided loyalty more than your little experiment with Tristan.”

  “Leave Tristan out of this,” Zoey growled. It was bad enough Ruth was right.

  “Which, by the way, you weren’t honest about at all.”

  Ruth didn’t seem angry, which succeeded in making Zoey all the more frenzied.

  “What’s the matter, afraid you were going to lose out on some action? Maybe you secretly harbored feelings for Derek all along too. I’ll bet it was you who gave him my cell phone number in the first place.”

  Ruth refused to be baited. “You see what you’re doing here, right? I’m not going to let you deflect your way into making this about me. Don’t you think you owed it to yourself to see the best Derek had to offer and then make a move in any direction? Don’t you think you owed it to Tristan?”

  “I said leave Tristan out of this!” Zoey’s guilt exploded out of her in a shout.

  “You don’t get to control this fight, Zoe, like you try to control everything and everyone else!”

  “Control you? Don’t make me laugh. I wish! I’ve spent the majority of my life cleaning up after all your messes!”

  “Oh yeah? Well, if I’m the one who is so messed up, why are you the one who’s homeless after picking all your shit up off the highway?”

  The shouting stopped. Zoey’s anger deflated and she wilted back onto the couch and dashed at the tears that suddenly threatened to roll down her cheeks. She wasn’t just homeless, she also felt terribly alone. So much for Phyllis’s theory.

  “I didn’t do what I did to hurt you, Zoe,” Ruth said quietly, sitting down next to her. “But you know what I think? I think you get so involved with everyone else’s life to avoid taking a risk with your own.”

  “Oh my gosh, you won the fight, isn’t that enough? You have to kick me when I’m down?” Zoey jokingly sniffed.

  Ruth wrapped a comforting arm around Zoey’s shoulders. “I’m just trying to clear the air. Explain my motives. That is what you came here for, right?”

  Zoey nodded weakly, not trusting herself to speak for fear of bawling.

  “I never understood why you stuck with Derek as long as you did. I hated him. He’s such a dog. I never told you, but he hit on me before you two got married. Who does that?”

  “Believe it or not, I’m not the least bit surprised,” Zoey said. She had never voiced her suspicions on that subject to Ruth. But Derek’s wandering eye was common knowledge. If this was Ruth’s idea of clean air, Zoey was going to need a gas mask.

  “Everyone in town knew what a jerk he had turned into. But if he was your choice, that makes him family and I have to support you. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Who am I to judge how two people navigate their relationship? I just tried to keep my distance from him and kept the lines of communication open with him to help you. And yes, it was me that gave Derek your cell phone number.”

  “You lied to me.” Zoey wept.

  “I did. And I’m sorry about that. But you kept harping about him pressuring you to start a family. I kept thinking, That’s just a smoke screen. If you’re so hell-bent on proving your point about your body being yours, then don’t get pregnant. It really is as simple as that. There are only about a dozen ways to prevent pregnancy that don’t require the man’s participation. But it’s not enough for you to just take control of your own life, you have to have some approval or recognition from other people in order to do it. I took all your waffling and excuses to mean that deep down you still cared for Derek.”

  “You’re probably right,” Zoey was forced to admit. “Not about my feelings for Derek, about the smoke screen. I wanted so much for him to be the person I initially fell in love with. Mom and Dad stuck together, grew together.”

  “It takes two people, working full-time at it, to make a relationship work. And Dad wasn’t a hound dog. But their marriage isn’t really our business, is it? You had finally come into your own with the cooking thing. You were seeing some real success. But every time you leaped forward, there was Derek, on the phone, making you take two steps back. I would’ve given anything for you to show Derek the door, so I made that judgment call. You needed to be pushed to decide, instead of hiding here.”

  “You did the exact same thing you accuse me of, you do realize that?”

  “I do. That makes the score meddling Ruth one, Zoey a hundred.”

  “Well played,” Zoey said. “Only your score is two. You also got Derek to drive up here.”

  “True. But I was sure once you saw that you were able to feel desirable again, it would give you the strength to finally show Derek the door. And I had no idea Derek was going to go full throttle in his attempt to make a good impression. He really should’ve been an actor. What an asshat.”

  They sat together in silence, Ruth’s arm still across Zoey’s shoulder. It was the first time that Zoey could recall feeling like the little sister. Overwhelmed, Zoey put her face in her hands and let the tears flow until they were little more than shuddering sobs. Her sister was the only person who she ever let see her cry. Ruth waited until Zoey was all cried out before speaking again.

  “You changed a lot after Tristan entered the picture. You started being much more fun after meeting him. You two are way more alike, starting with being ethical, to a fault. At the very least, he got you to venture out of this apartment for something other than work.”


  Zoey picked her head up, not sure if her sister was just trying to lighten up the mood and get her to stop crying.

  “Ugh. Tristan. I’m afraid I blew that one right out of the water.”

  “I was hoping that’s where you’d been all this time. Hiding out at his place.”

  “No. I went to Detroit with a trucker named Phyllis.”

  Zoey had finally achieved the impossible. She had managed to shock her sister.

  “Stop it,” Ruth said, her eyebrows high in disbelief.

  “No, it’s true. She scraped me up off the highway. My guardian angel drives eighteen wheels and carries a loaded gun.”

  “I’m so disappointed. I wanted desperately to believe after you didn’t come back here that it was because you guys had patched things up.”

  Zoey shook her head sadly. “A guy doesn’t need to be a social guru to know breaking a relationship off in a text means it’s really over.”

  Zoey had known all along that Tristan would do exactly what he did. He stepped aside. Maybe he was simply too gentle. But that didn’t mean he deserved to be cast aside so callously.

  “You are so good at being there for everyone else, maybe it’s time you start doing for yourself. I don’t know what happened between you two, but I do know you. I know you can live with whatever the outcome is if you try to make it right. And that is the last piece of advice I am going to give you.”

  They sealed their reconciliation with a hug and Zoey’s vow to stay out of Ruth’s affairs moving forward.

  “I promise to keep my nose out of your business,” she said. “But when disaster befalls you because of some dumb-ass decision, can I say I told you so?”

  “Only if you’re looking to start wearing dentures,” Ruth replied with a squeeze and a laugh.

  Zoey started to laugh as well, but she took Ruth’s advice to heart.

  “I see Blake hasn’t gotten to all your rough edges yet.”

  “Of course he did. Maybe they’re just the parts he likes best.”

  Zoey looked to Ruth for any sign that she was being tested in the art of minding her business. Ruth’s subsequent grin confirmed she was.

  “Which brings me to the in-other-news department. You’re still homeless, unless you can afford the rent here on your own. Blake is convinced I’d make an excellent litigator. He talked me into going back to school and then law school. He offered to let me move in with him to save some money. I’m not about to show him my bank statement, but I still said yes.”

  Zoey couldn’t believe her own ears. “Is this another test?”

  Ruth smiled. “Afraid not. My party days are over, at least for the time being. Blake makes it sound pretty great. And who knows? Maybe I’ll take domesticity on a test drive.”

  “Isn’t this all a bit sudden?”

  “I’ve kissed a lot of frogs, little sis. I know a prince when I see one. Now why don’t you take a cab uptown and try to win back yours?”

  Chapter 23

  As soon as the door opened, there was a brief spark of surprise in Tristan’s eyes, then . . . nothing. She wasn’t foolish enough to think he’d be happy to see her, but she wasn’t prepared for him to look so aloof either.

  “Tristan,” Zoey said in a rush, in the unlikely event he was going to slam the door. “I had to come and apologize. Face-to-face.”

  “There’s nothing for you to be sorry for,” he replied, opening the door wider to let her in.

  “There certainly is. Whether you are aware of it or not, breaking up with someone in a text message is about as low as a person can go.”

  He was working overtime to keep from meeting her eyes. “There was a lot going on. I could tell you were reeling.”

  Zoey knew he would be polite and understanding. His empathy was one of his most admirable traits. At this particular juncture, it was heartbreaking. She wanted to throw herself in his arms, kiss him until his lips turned blue, but she didn’t dare. He was standoffish, rightly so. She had hurt him, and it was evident. “I wanted to try and explain. . . .”

  Her words trailed off. All the rehearsing she had done on the way over was for naught after taking one look at him. There was no good explanation for what she had done, other than a knee-jerk reaction based on a mistaken sense of duty to a marriage that should’ve ended a long time ago.

  “You don’t have to explain why you went back to your husband,” Tristan stated, turning his back on her and walking down the hall. “But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wonder what you’re doing here now.”

  “After Derek tossed my stuff onto the highway, I took a little detour back to the city. Rode shotgun in a big rig for a couple states.”

  Tristan turned back to her again. His lips twitched into what was almost a smile. Maybe a touch of sympathy. Then he went back to aloof, turning on his heel without asking her anything further.

  “It was a lady trucker, just so you know,” she explained.

  “Thanks for clearing that up,” he said. Just when did he start applying sarcasm to his sentences? Zoey’s heart sank. Her being here was only making it worse.

  His apartment was spotless as always. Conspicuous by its absence was all of the Rock Band equipment in his living room. Further evidence that she had crushed him. She began to prattle in her effort to make amends.

  “I knew inside of three hours after getting in a car with him that I had made an awful mistake. When Derek showed up clean and sober, I thought that I didn’t have a choice. I stupidly felt that I had to hold up my end of the bargain. He had done everything I wanted. It wasn’t until we were alone that I finally realized he hadn’t changed at all. Not on the inside.” The words sounded lame to her own ears.

  “No, Zoey. You don’t get to take all the blame. And that’s not just me being noble either. If I hadn’t held back on telling you how I felt about you, we could’ve spent that time cementing our relationship and you might have made a different choice.”

  His words were clipped, his tone biting. They had a distinct ring of finality to them. He wasn’t going to accept her changing her mind. He didn’t really go out of his way to accept her apology. He kept shuffling things around, refusing to look at her directly for more than a second. She had hurt him so badly he was back to his own version of solitary confinement.

  But he hadn’t asked her to leave, so there was still a glimmer of hope.

  She followed Tristan to his library. One half of the room was stacks of full boxes and empty shelves. The other half, empty boxes to fill. He swept a handful of books off a shelf and began arranging them in the closest box.

  When the books had been standing straight up, wedged together on the shelves, their spines looked sturdy, ageless. Upon closer inspection, many were weathered. Book covers and jackets had faded on some. Yellowed pages in danger of becoming unglued from fragile, brittle spines on others. They were similar to their owner, hiding their vulnerability beneath an exterior of even temperedness.

  “You’re getting rid of your library?”

  “Yes. I don’t know why I brought them.” Tristan gave a half laugh. “They’re turning out to be the most tedious part of my packing.”

  “You brought them because they hold your memories.” The meaning behind his words were slow to register.

  “You’re right, there were many times they gave me comfort. I could’ve kept them at Paradise Cove. The place is just sitting there until I decide what to do. Now that I’ve made that decision, this seems like a pointless exercise.”

  “You’re going back?”

  “I can’t stay here,” he said wistfully.

  “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t intervened . . .”

  “Oh no, Zoey. Don’t look at it like that.”

  “Then tell me how to look at it,” she pleaded. “Enlighten me.”

  He paused, and for a split second, his look softened. When he spoke again, his words were measured, nearly clinical. “My grandfather used to say, ‘It’s okay to quit any job, but you have t
o master it first.’ It’s easy to abandon something out of fear. But in doing so, you could be missing out on something spectacular. If you learn all you need to and still want to walk away, you’re making an educated decision. When we met, I was paralyzed, terrified to take a step in any direction. Your friendship gave me the strength to take a chance. I’m glad I did.”

  “We turned out to be so much more than friends, Tristan.” She could feel an anger starting to build at the way he was trying to sweep aside what had happened between them. “So now you’re just going to pack it all in and call it quits?”

  “Why not? It worked for you.”

  If his intention was to sting, he had succeeded. But at least he was showing signs of some spirit. And that he wasn’t over her, not by a long shot.

  “It most definitely did not work for me. Why do you think I’m here?”

  “To make amends? Ease a guilty conscience, maybe? Either way, you can relax. I’m not holding any ill will. I accept your apologies. Now that the matter is settled, I hope you don’t mind showing yourself out. The movers are coming at the end of the week and I still haven’t started packing up the kitchen.”

  The kitchen. The center of where their friendship, as well as their relationship, had started. Had he brought up the kitchen on purpose?

  “I could stick around and help?” she offered.

  “Not necessary.” His reply was brusque and immediate.

  Zoey was exhausted from trying to always stay one step ahead. But if there was one thing she had gotten good at, it was fighting. Despite all the things she had helped teach him, it was the one lesson she had neglected. Not anymore. She owed him that much. She owed it to herself.

  “For the love of God, would you show some blasted emotion for once in your life?!?”

  And to her surprise, he did. He slammed the books he was holding into the box and his voice rose with every word until he was near to shouting. “What would you like me to say, Zoey? That I loved you and you shattered my heart? Because you did. What you did to me was worse than the hooker in Vegas. You gained my trust. All of it. Then you tossed me aside, something you swore to me you wouldn’t do. You told me your marriage was over but he shows up and you kicked me to the curb!”