The Total Package Page 19
Of course that sounded easy without having to look into Tyson’s beautiful blue eyes as she did it.
“Doesn’t matter,” she chided herself again. “Your dishonesty ends today.”
Her now-wrinkled blouse, jeans, and lingerie were sitting folded up neatly on the end of the bed. Just seeing them made her tingle; oh how wonderful it had been as they were taken off. She put on her panties, but it was his button-down shirt from the day before that she was wearing when she padded barefoot down the hallway in search of him. When she passed by one of the bedrooms she at first thought was empty, she saw a treadmill and some free weights. His only other sign of life was invested in physical exertion, as if she needed the reminder.
She went downstairs and checked the den. But he wasn’t there either. She opened the door to the garage. Both his car and the golf cart were there. Maybe he went for a run. She went into the kitchen, ready to search the cupboards for the K-cups to his Keurig machine, and glancing out the patio door she found him.
He was lounging shirtless on the round oversize love seat. His back high against the cushions, he was tossing a football up into the air and catching it. She checked to see if the one she saw on the counter was still there, but the space was bare. Tyson looked relaxed but focused, like he was deep in thought. He had his jeans on, and it all combined to be the single sexiest sight she’d ever witnessed. She watched until it became too much and then went out near the pool to join him.
“Nice outfit.” He smiled as soon as he noticed her approaching in his shirt.
Nice everything, she thought as Tyson slid over to make room for her to sit beside him. He tossed the football into the air again. Maybe the better plan would be to wait until after the Super Bowl to tell him.
“You thinking about the game?” she asked.
“I’m thinking about a lot of stuff,” he replied, tossing the ball one more time before setting it down to deal with what was occupying his mind. “I did a bad thing.”
Dani frowned. Was he talking about their hookup? Was this the gentleman’s version of wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am? Was he getting ready to break it to her gently? And if he was, she couldn’t decide if that would make what she needed to tell him easier or more difficult, or if it would keep her silent.
“That’s a pretty rough opening line, considering last night.” She looked down at her feet and pretended to study her pedicure, so he wouldn’t see the hurt in her eyes. Maybe she wouldn’t have to tell him after all.
He didn’t say anything. The silence lingered. Finally came a stern “I’m not going to continue until you look at me and join the conversation. I’ve got all day.”
If anyone else had spoken to her like that, her head would’ve snapped right up, ready to dole out a piece of her mind. She timidly looked up to meet his gaze, and what she saw was all warmth and affection.
“That wasn’t what I was talking about, darlin’. Not completely anyway. I meant getting all freaky without protection.”
That was another thing about leaders. They took responsibility for their actions, sometimes for things that weren’t their fault. They were equally responsible. If it came down to the nitty-gritty, she was more so. Her first instinct was to tell him she was on the pill, but it simply wasn’t true. She wouldn’t tell him one more fib. She tried instead to follow his lead, but her head was starting to pound with dread.
“I was there too, you know. It wasn’t like I tried to apply the brakes.”
“True.” His face lit up with her favorite smile, the adorable mischievous one from the old days, when he saw her from across the courtyard. “And I don’t think we swapped diseases. You look pretty safe. I get tested for everything under the sun on a regular basis. And my partners are a short list. I’m totally safe disease-wise.”
“That’s good to know.”
“I made a huge mistake New Year’s Day. When I told you it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore. I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since. And when I woke up this morning and saw you curled up next to me, I decided I needed to remedy that, pronto.”
He paused, as if to stop from getting ahead of himself. Then he smiled again.
“But, truth be told, I woke up excited by the prospect that I may have knocked you up.”
Dani’s mouth dropped open and every hair on her body stood on end. He had mentioned children. “I would never try to trap you like that.”
She was blushing again, and he took a moment to enjoy it. “Of course you wouldn’t. If anything, it’s me that’s trying to corner you.”
Now she needed to sit down. She perched on the end of a lounger in case she needed to jump up to get away. He moved to join her. They sat side by side, their legs touching. “I don’t know if you know this, Dani, but my next game is also going to be my last. Win or lose, my playing days are over.”
“I knew that.” She didn’t want to admit that it was another reason she loathed him, back when hating him was fashionable. “I had heard you’d been originally offered my dream job with the network. I was trying to get in the running when I was told I’d be working for Marcus.”
Tyson was momentarily shocked by her disclosure. “That’s interesting. It was Marcus who was the catalyst for my playing one more year. Did you know that?”
It was her turn to look stunned. They stared at each other as they came to the realization that for better or worse, they had Marcus LaRue to thank for bringing them back together.
“I’ve been thinking about you for a very long time,” Tyson said, breaking the silence. “Sure, in the beginning it was because I wanted to strangle you when the chicken thing stuck. But even then I didn’t want to take my eyes off you. Once I found out you were really my Ella Bella and I came to terms with what I’d done to you that night at homecoming, it practically sealed the deal. You’re gutsy and snarky and beautiful and you’ll keep me in line. I’ve been telling myself for a while that I thought we were destined to be together. Now that I know about the LaRue connection, I’m sure of it.”
She tried to draw a breath without gasping, both terrified and delighted by his declaration. She nodded in her struggle to find her voice, which seemed to enchant him all the more. He took her hand.
“I’m not sure what your plans were for the future, but I was thinking, if you weren’t busy, maybe you’d like to live with me, here or anywhere you’d like. We’ll make babies. Have a good life.”
It was that B word again. Dani felt ill.
“I know my track record is sketchy, but I also know what’s truly important now. I can be a good husband. And I love you. Maybe I always have. Maybe you’ve been in my heart forever,” he continued earnestly.
How she had longed to hear those words come from him. When she told him what she had to, he was going to take it all back. Dani put a shaking hand up to her mouth and shook her head.
“I understand,” he told her sadly, standing up. “I figured it might be too soon but I wanted to try. If you want to get dressed I’ll take you back to the hotel.”
He started to make his way back into the house and stopped, turning back around and added, “I’m not sorry about last night. If it turns out that you are pregnant, I’ll support whatever you want to do. But I promise I can be a good father. You can change your mind. We can take it slow. Whatever.”
He turned back to continue on to the house but was stopped again, this time by the rush of air that preceded the cry she could no longer hold back. Despite all her efforts to hold them in, the floodgates opened and she began a series of heart-wrenching sobs. They came one after the other, stealing the breath straight out of her lungs until there were no other sounds beside them.
Tyson rushed back to her, pulling her to her feet, then into his arms and still-bare well-built chest, dismayed by her overwrought weeping. She let him because she knew it would be the last time. He gen
tly rocked her back and forth, trying to calm her, and rubbed her back until she was all cried out and there was nothing left but her ragged breathing and sniffling.
“Was it something I said?” he asked teasingly, still shaken by such an onslaught of raw emotion.
“You weren’t supposed to be so nice,” she babbled. “You weren’t supposed to try so hard. I didn’t want to love you again.”
Tyson hugged her tighter, smiling into her hair. She loved him. “I’m so sorry I blew your trust. And I’m guessing your mind.”
Dani forcefully tore away from his embrace, desperate for some distance from his all-encompassing sweetness. She didn’t want to get used to the safety or the comfort, because as soon as she came clean with what she had done, chances were he would turn his back on her again. If he didn’t walk away with actual custody of Brendon, she would still have to face him on a regular basis. And each time she did, it would be a painful reminder of all the things she had done wrong. He would never smile at her again, or look at her with devotion in his eyes, or tell her he loved her. But for Brendon’s sake she had to do the right thing. Dani drew a shaky breath. “I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”
“That long?” He smiled. “Sorry I came late to the game.”
“Stop it!” Dani exclaimed, filled with guilt. “Stop teasing and apologizing and letting me off the hook!”
He was momentarily taken aback by her now-angry outburst. Clearly one of them had done something wrong, only now he wasn’t sure which one of them it was. “Okay then, how about I forgive you? Whatever sin you think you’ve committed, you can stop beating yourself up.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying, Tyson. The things I’ve done are unforgivable.”
His look softened. “No, Dani, you’re wrong. Take it from one who knows. We’re all worthy of forgiveness.”
She shook her head and struggled to get the words past what felt like a permanent lump in her throat. “Not me. Not for this.”
He reached out to gently stroke her cheek with the back of his hand, a gesture so tender, new tears from red-rimmed eyes spilled over her already wet lashes. He cradled her head in his large hands and swiped at them with his thumbs. He tilted her head up to meet his adoring gaze. “Yes, you. For everything. Try me.”
He led her by the hand back to the big round love seat and sat her down, and took his place beside her. He held her hand and patiently waited while she took some time to regain her composure.
There is no way out now, Dani thought. She stared into his handsome compassionate face one more time and tucked it away in her memory bank. By the time this conversation was over he’d never look that same way at her again.
“That night, at homecoming, I did seek you out, but for all my good intentions, I really only made things worse, for both of us,” she began.
“Well, you’re really in luck then,” he openly confessed. “There isn’t much I remember about that night, other than I was a really bad boy who earned the vengeance of a scorned woman.”
She tried to drown out what he was saying, all his tolerance was making it that much harder.
“It was so painful to see you like that. I was sure if you would just let me, I could make you feel safe and loved and you wouldn’t feel the need to keep slowly killing yourself.”
“That was a losing proposition, Dani. I fed off the bottom for a long time.”
“I just kept telling myself that if you knew you had somebody on your side, it would make all the difference. I had this ridiculous notion that if I could get you to tell me your story, it would be like therapy. Chances were, you were losing your job anyway. You’d have nothing to do and all the time in the world to do it. I would’ve done anything to be near you.”
Tyson could feel his shoulders and neck beginning to tighten. Ella was one of those loose ends from his past he just couldn’t tie up. She was a different person who masqueraded her way past being listed as one of those “people, places, and things.” It was hard to be reminded of those days, and even meditation sometimes couldn’t stop that reaction. He didn’t think she had no reason for going that far back in time to rehash something they’d previously discussed. But what she was doing was likely going to trigger a flashback, something he thought he was long past and wanted to be prepared for.
“I remember,” he said quietly.
She took a deep breath; now it was time for the hard part. “But the truth is, I didn’t want to miss another chance to be with you.”
He began to grin and told her reassuringly, “Sweetheart, that’s nothing. I’ve seen girls do all sort of outlandish things to try and get me into bed. I’m guilty of a few myself. If you recall, one of my favorite games when you were my tutor was making you blush. It still is.”
Why did he have to make this so difficult? Because he wanted to believe all the good things he thought about her. “After you left school, I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I’d been saving myself for the boy I thought was perfect and I’d let him get away. I swore if you ever asked me again, I was going to change my answer.”
His neurons fired and for a quick second he was back at the Bunker and reliving the first time he felt the surge of anger at her, the one before the fury. He shook his head to dislodge it but vividly remembered what caused it. “I know. I really didn’t deserve to make the cut.”
All hints of good humor vaporized. It wasn’t the fact that he was her first; last night had started a new chapter. It was that if she was telling him now, it was because it was leading up to something. Something big. Life-altering big. So big, that he would fail in his attempt to reconcile it and things would never be the same again, for either of them.
“That’s all right, Dani, I’m sorry I wasn’t able to make it special. But that’s not it, is it?”
Her chin began to tremble and she shook her head.
He stood up abruptly, could feel all his control starting to slip. He took several steps toward the house and quickly turned back around. His hands settled on his hips and his face began to register the look she feared and had seen before. But that look now paled in comparison. His blue eyes appeared demonic and she wouldn’t have been surprised if his head started to spin all the way around.
“Say it!” He shouted so loud and fiercely, she flinched and the tears were back in her eyes with a blink.
“Tyson,” she said sorrowfully, “I had a baby.”
The rage that engulfed him was all-consuming. It burned through him and it felt as if his brain might turn to cinder. He turned and began to walk forcefully to the house. After several steps, he stopped short but didn’t turn back around, unable to bring himself to look at her. He said with cold indifference, “I’ll call you a cab. Make sure you’re gone when I get back.”
Dani sat alone on the patio and wrapped her arms around herself and began to shake. It was worse than she could’ve imagined. Not only was he not going to forgive her, he was going to turn his back on his own child. He didn’t even stick around long enough to find out whether he had a son or a daughter. She was wrong again. The truth hadn’t brought her a single ounce of relief. Dani didn’t think she had any tears left, even as they began to roll down her face.
CHAPTER 19
TYSON’S ONLY REGRET about having left in such a hurry was forgetting to take his reliable old football with him. Since Logan gave it to him, all those years ago, he had never needed it more. That tired piece of pigskin really did have the power to calm him. But he couldn’t go back and get it with Dani still out there.
He switched to automatic pilot and went right into his closet to do the next best thing. He changed into his running gear. As he sat down on the bed to tie his sneakers, he caught sight of her clothes still piled on the bed. He forced out of his mind the image of her in his shirt. He went back downstairs and called a cab. He should’ve made her do it herself, but since gettin
g sober, he always tried to be a gentleman. Plus she really did need to be gone, and soon. It had been a long time since he’d thought about doing something he would actually regret. Then Tyson hustled out the front door.
And he ran. He waited for the rhythmic pounding of his feet to catch up to his furiously pumping heart, washing away some of his angst. It took longer than he expected, but he knew it wouldn’t fail.
At first his inner dialogue was harsh, to match his anger. He tried in vain to conjure up the memory of that night, but it was futile. So was trying to get the time back. Precious moments with a child that would have enriched his soul and healed the scars of his past. No matter what he had done wrong, it didn’t warrant the sentence he, and subsequently an innocent child, had received. His child.
Dani Carr had withheld information, the most important information of all the whole time she had taunted him and teased him. She’d had ample opportunity to tell him he had a child. In this miserable world, children deserved unconditional love by anyone who was willing to provide it, and he could have given that love, and received it.
And then he remembered something Logan had told him as he trained to get back in the game. Perspective is perception. At first he had blown it off as just another one of Logan’s inspirational phrases. But as Tyson looked back over how he’d conducted his life, he began to wonder just how much of it applied.
He’d been passive for way too long. Barrow, Logan, Marcus, all had managed to get into his head and manipulate him. And he let them, at times willingly. Was it because they were men? As soon as he thought Dani was doing it, he was full of righteous indignation . . . but was that fair?